Low-Tech Day: Part III

The Home Stretch

The day was going pretty well so far. I was able to occupy myself through all the daylight hours. Wait...what's that? Well my, my, my. The little bug that thought he could escape is back. I grab my flip flops. I try a few more casual drops and a couple land what seem to be damaging blows to the insect. He's not jumping as well. But no more fucking around. I take a flip flop and smash it down into the carpet, but he's still moving pretty well. Just then...he makes a fatal mistake. The bug gets close to my roller chair. He's inches away from one of the wheels. The perfect accident. The perfect crime. I push myself and my chair a few inches over and CRUSH! Got 'em. Like Zero Dark Thirty, after so long, I finally got my man. Make a movie out of this. Do it.

It's now just about 7:00. Only 5 more hours to go. I've used the sink once to wash my hands, walked to Carl's Jr., which had a TV, and now that the Carl's Jr. has made it's way through my body, I have used and flushed the toilet once. Which also flushed the bug that I tossed in there earlier. Good riddance, bug.

Inside Matt's Mind

Submitted for your approval. You're traveling through another dimension. A dimension not only of sight and sound, but of mind. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. A journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination. You've just crossed over into . . . Matt's Mind.

Meet, Matt Pellegrini. A young, good looking man that any sane girl or guy would definitely want to bang, who has decided that for 24 hours he will sever himself off from modern technology. So far, he has been successful. But for the next few hours, he has decided to let his mind wander to the furthest reaches of thought and idea. And as we all know, sometimes, not all ideas are good ones.

It's a little after 7:00 now, and I'm bored and am gonna just let my mind wander. What else can I do until midnight? I look outside and see airplanes. I could pretend that airplanes in the night skies are like shooting stars. Nah. I could make a list. I'm renowned for my detailed and completely unnecessary lists.

Like when I was looking at colleges to go to for undergrad and decided that each of the 50 states had to have at least one school start in my considering list. Funny how I ended up only applying to 3 schools then. One of which I had zero interest in going to. Yeah, I'm talking about you University of Illinois in Champaign-Urbana.

Or how about that list of roller coasters I made in an excel spreadsheet. Because the website I got ally my info from just didn't have it exactly how I wanted to organize it. By the way, have you heard about the new coaster Cedar Point is getting in 2013? I can't remember the name, but that shit is long. I think it's some kind of side-inverted coaster. Like, where the seats extend out off-rail. And then it loops and inverts through the Cedar Point entrance block things. I can't believe I've only been to Cedar Point once for how much it seems like I know or have been on all their rides. Gemini 'til I die, bitches.

That took 8 goddamn minutes. It's 7:08 now. At least I know I'm not a habitual tech user. I haven't once reached for my phone or remote and had to stop myself. That's pretty good.

So...how about that Kimye baby? You know, if Kim wanted to abort that baby, there'd by no way people would let her. Even pro-choice people. "No way! We fuckin' need this baby Kim. I don't care that you'd rather keep doing your whatever show rather than be the next Snooki and JWoww show." Does Jwoww have one or two "w's?" Who cares.

This is almost harder than not masturbating for a week right now. Oh, and I just turned on one light. To read and write this sack of shit blog. Maybe I should take my clothes off and try to name and label all the muscles and bones on my body while looking in a mirror. That...could be something.

I wonder how many frat guys laid chicks to Summer Girls by LFO back in the day?

I feel like there wasn't even dance music back in the 90s. Like, when girls went out to clubs, what the fuck did they dance to? Some Blues Traveler and Hootie? Weird. Wait? When did DJs like really start existing? Were there a lot of DJs in the 90s? I guess so now that I think about it. But they played full songs from like, I don't know, not computers and laptops. Big clunky systems. YMCA. Chicken Dance. Electric Slide. Goo Goo Dolls. Some people like DJs, I get it, you all have ADD, but when a song I like comes on, I wanna hear the whole god damn thing. Besides, songs like Call Me Maybe are bad enough without some Asian B-boy putting his own dope spin on the song by interlacing samples and pieces of other songs.

I wonder if people have always dreamed? I mean, the answer is obviously yes, but holy shit, what was it like to be the first person that dreamed? He or she had to think it was real.

Animal life spans are weird to me. Hearing that an animal has lived for like 40-50 years always catches me off-guard, unless it's some old ass tortoise. Because the only animals that people talk about when those animals dies are pets, and their max life span is around 20 years. I have no idea how long lions or bears or squirrels live on average. Or snakes...ewww! But if somebody made me guess for money, I would always guess near the pet range, even though maybe these things live for way longer. Not WAY longer, but like a decade or two.

And then trees...I don't even know how they die. I pretty much assume they'd live forever until someone cuts them down. But the oldest trees aren't like tens of thousands of years old, I don't think.

This awful blog just turned into a what I think is weird series. What else do I think is weird? Empty space...obviously. Clouds. Pubic Hair...how has that not evolved away yet? I don't understand. Is it serving a purpose? Is it like a hairy armor that protects my genital just a little bit more from whatever might hurt them? I would assume humans started just as hairy everywhere else on their bodies as down there, but there's not nearly as much hair on my arms or legs. What's up with that?

Video...there's no such thing. How it's just like a million little still images or pictures every second to give the illusion as if things are moving in real life. Like the most advance flip books. That blows my mind. 8:00 p.m.

I'm trying to telepathically communicate to my friend right now, who asked if I wanted to go to Kogi, this Mexican-Korean food truck at 9:30, to say "YES! Get here at 9:00 and entertain me until 11:50 when you can promptly take me home, so I may resume my normal life." Sad, normal life is just us staring at screens full of pixels. Things that have no feel to them. No taste. No smell. No sound. But only give off light, and that is our world.

Weird how everything emits light just the same as a screen. I can't really smell or hear my wall. I can sort of taste it and touch it, but what makes a wall so much more real than a screen? Or even a screen of a wall?

Are people really pretty? Or is the light they emit more attractive or more something to certain people? I mean, if you took two seemingly identical looking people, would everybody pick the same one as prettier, or do we react to the light they give off differently?

Sports are...kind of weird. But sports fans...now them's is weird. I guess I get having pride in where you're from or some place you associate with. It seems weird that people hate on fans of the best team...sometimes bandwagon fans. That happens much less, if ever, for musicians or writers or actors. People appreciate and naturally like those that are the best at what they do. It's probably stranger to stay attached to teams, musicians, writers, that are bad. There's no logic there, only stubbornness. Now, I won't be one to condemn stubbornness, because I have all too much of that trait in situations. But people that stay with their hometown team their whole life are just static. If I had to hypothesize the results of an experiment that asked random people if they grew up cheering for their hometown team or a non-hometown team, the results would probably show that more often, people that grew up being hometown team fans also more often continued living nearby and didn't move away to other parts of the country.

8:17. Pleeeeeeeaaaasssseee come get me for Kogi. I'm just a damsel in distress waiting for my Prince Charming.

Shoelaces. Were there so many people that couldn't buy the right sized shoe that we needed to make shoelaces? I guess it's so you don't have to fight with your shoe to put it on every time. Easier to slip it on and then tighten it so it's a good fit. Whatever.

Do you think Disney will do a movie about a fat princess? You can be white, black, asian, native american, a book nerd, a bitch, a literal fox, a mermaid, but a princess CAN'T be fat. Duh, fatties...you ain't never gonna be good at nothing.

When did people who like coffee become more annoying than people who like weed? Alllll they talk about is coffee this, latte that, caffeine me please; can't function until I has my brown. Fuck, I get it, you like coffee. I don't post statuses about how much I love my alarm clock and a good balanced breakfast to get me going in the morning.

Man, the appendix...doesn't he just put the dix in dickshit. What have we ever done to it? We don't take it out like wisdom teeth simply because it's unnecessary and literally does nothing, but then he has the dix and balls to rupture and hurt us after we were like, oh we'll just let you be? That's redixulous.

Every time I hear the words "gun control," I replace it in my mind with "fun patrol," so I won't hate you, and I'll think you're talking about something fun instead.

Is the U.S. really gonna get all up in my face about my student loan debt? How about, when the U.S. pays off aaaaaaaany reasonable portion of the national debt, I'll pay off mine. Besides, I'm not spending my money on dumb shit.

Why is it called body "building?" Everybody already has one. You ain't buildin' nothin'. You're enhancing, increasing, enlarging...ballooning. There we go! You keep the alliteration, and it's more accurate. Bodyballooning. That's what I'm gonna call it from now on.

If God exists, does he even care about us? I mean, after he created the first man and woman, why would he care about much after that? Do your great-great-great-grandparents care about you? No, they're dead. But if they were still alive, do you think they'd really care that far down the line? God's just a creator like Ke$ha. Do you think she cares that much about the remix of the dubstep remix of the remix of the song she wrote? She can't even remember half the songs she wrote.

8:49. Please come over in the next 15 minutes. I can't come up with three more hours of ludicrous thoughts and ideas.

Here's a riddle. What has no feelings, can't think or choose, has no morality, but can still be bad? Give up? Apparently, the answer is words. Yes, people believe words are "bad."