Poor Move

I haven't blogged seriously about sports since probably my first post, but thought I'd switch it up from my usual lacking attempts at comedy.

The poor move in question? TCU's move to the Big East.

Is it good for TCU? Yes. Is it good for the Big East? Yes.

Is it good for College Football? An emphatic NO.

Personally, TCU has lost my respect with this move. Teams like TCU, Boise State, BYU, and Utah were the champions of trying to usher in a new and more equal NCAA Football.

Yet, within the next few years, TCU will be in the Big East (A BCS Automatic Qualifier), Utah in the Pac-10 (A BCS Automatic Qualifier), and BYU will become an Independent, leaving a team like Boise State, who is joining the Mountain West, in the same position they're in now in the WAC.

Sure, the jump to a BCS conference will help TCU a little, but if they were in the Big East this year, with the exact same undefeated record and a better strength of schedule due to the stronger conference opponents, they'd be in exactly the same spot. Hoping either Oregon or Auburn loses to get a chance to play in the National Championship game.

TCU was one of the teams that was bringing credence to allowing non-BCS schools a shot to play for the National Championship. But, this move says "We" deserve to play for a National Championship, not "You" other non-BCS schools. It says we deserve better than the rest of you beneath us, the same kind of treatment TCU and Boise State typically get. Talk about hypocrites.

And don't think this would only affect the non-BCS teams. TCU could still technically end up playing for the National Championship. And what if they won? That would be the strongest statement for creating a playoff to determine the National Champion. A playoff, which everybody, not just non-BCS schools want.

Instead, if TCU were to somehow end up in the National Championship and win, the fact that the one team to throw a wrench in the system is joining the Big East, a BCS conference, would allow the system in place now to stay that way.

Personally, I just think it's a cowardly move. They're getting all the credit they deserve this year, and they are perennially one of the non-BCS teams to consider in terms of BCS bowls. Was joining the Big East, a conference that most think doesn't even deserve their Automatic Bid to a BCS bowl game a smart move? What if the Big East were to somehow lose their Automatic Bid? Very unlikely, but TCU wouldn't be in much better shape then they would be if they stayed MWC. Especially considering that conference would have Boise State, Nevada, Fresno State, and Air Force.

So, if you want to blame someone for the lack of a playoff in a few years because your team isn't getting the chance it deserves to compete for a National Championship, you can look to TCU's jetting to the Big East as just another one of the moves that will ensure things stay the way the are in College Football.

What Your Favorite Holiday Says About You

Do I have a degree in any of the Social Sciences? No. But do I consider myself more than qualified to make this very accurate personality assessment? Absolutely. Just remember, this is the final word on the matter. These are completely final and allow for no deviation in personality from what is described. If one of these is your favorite holiday, then it will be like looking in a mirror for you.

New Year's Eve/Day – Your hate your life, because your life sucks. You look forward to New Year's because you like to think, "Hey, maybe this year will be my year. Another year, another chance." WRONG. Things are not going to get better. You suck. You're depressed because of this. It's possible you'll kill yourself if it weren't for your ridiculous optimism. Instead, you choose to drown all of the previous year's sorrows in that cheap bottle of Andre champagne.

Valentine's Day – You are the master of denial. Face it, real relationships are not like the ones in movies and are not like the way your little idealistic imagination dreams them up to be. Your favorite holiday is based around an emotion that biologically, does not exist. But you like Valentine's Day because you think someone out there is just perfect for you. Which is why you'll eventually end up alone. Yes, even if you're in a relationship. Because you deny the possibility of imperfections in a lover. But hey, maybe someday you'll be able to train one of your dozen cats to feed you chocolate covered strawberries and tell you they love you and will never leave you.

St. Patrick's Day – Congratulations, you think being incoherently drunk is something to be proud of. Your IQ probably matches your Blood-Alcohol Content, which means you probably took that as a compliment. Proof that you’re stupid is that you think St. Patrick's day is actually about celebrating drinking to incapacitation. You probably have other seriously messed up priorities in your life too if this is your favorite holiday. If not Alcoholics Anonymous, you will end up with some other addiction and in some other support group because of your stupidity and tendency to make seriously dumb choices.

April Fools Day – News flash. You’re not funny. And everybody hates you. I get it, you want to stay a kid at heart, but playing pranks on your friends is not being a kid at heart. You're annoying because you continue to use clichés and other played out jokes as your go-tos. You laugh at your own jokes too. That’s not funny, dude. You have the same sense of humor as a third grader, but your "friends" don't have the heart to tell you, because you either will think they're just joking around at your expense, or worse, you will take them seriously and go all Kurt Cobain. Instead, they'll talk about you behind your back all the time when you're not around. Now who’s the fool?

Independence Day – You are probably lower to middle class at best. A red stater. Drive a pickup. And consider Natty Ice an important part of your diet, you redneck fuck. You think America is the best country in the world, even though your own blue collar job and trailer park life is terrible. You're just not smart enough to see that. You think holidays should be about beer and big explosions, which is why you love Michael Bay movies. It’s kind of ironic that you’re content with your ambitionless and unsuccessful life, while your favorite holiday is the one that celebrates people that succeeded in doing so much.

Halloween – This is a two parter based on gender. If you're a guy, congratulations, you're probably gay. So your favorite holiday is the one where you get to play dress up? Lemme guess, you had Barbie and Skipper's dreamhouse when you were younger too? Hopefully your costumes growing up sucked so you’ll be used to the feeling of letting people down when your parents find out you’re playing plug and socket with another man. Now, if you're a woman, you're probably a little rough around the edges. And by edges, I mean your vagina. On average, you have 2.5 STDs. According to you, every Disney princess was a stripper. At least that’s what you’re making it seem like.

Thanksgiving – One, you're a retard. Nobody's favorite holiday should be Thanksgiving. It's just barely different from regular days. Eat a lot of food with family and pretend like we care about each other more than we really do. I’m not really seeing why this is a special day. And come on, is four pounds of turkey, globby mashed potatoes and the vomit rainbow that is stuffing what you consider great food? If it is, see the first sentence. Two, you're probably fat and lazy. If not, you’ll get there. Don’t worry. Three, you’re a fake. You preach how this holiday makes you really grateful for all you have and puts things in perspective for you. Yeah, I’m sure you’re thinking that while you’re watching football or playing Nintendo Wii with Grandma. Four, you're as boring as this holiday itself. Seriously, drop Thanksgiving and just call it Black Friday Eve. The day can even keep the binge eating. It preps people for the binge shopping and spending they’re about to do.

Christmas – You're a selfish asshole. You are way too concerned with material possessions and wealth. “ Hey, wanna hear what I got for Christmas? I got this. And this. And this.” Yeah, we all got stuff, dickweed. Guess what M'puto Buj'umbura got for Christmas? Malaria and a bad case of diarrhea. Stop being so greedy and flaunting all this awesome and unnecessary stuff that you have. You're a self-serving ass, plain and simple. And your life is all about "me." You probably didn’t even read any of the other personality assessments and just skipped right down to yours first. Arrogant prick.

Bonus: Chanukah – Lemme guess, you're jewish? In typical Jew fashion, you've spread buying things for your kids out over an 8 day pay period instead of all at once, you money-grubbing miser.

Bonus #2: Kwaanza – Lemme guess, you're black? In typical black fashion, you’ve created your own “black only” form of something in an attempt to gain more equality, yet you fail to see how this is actually more of a way to segregate than to bring together.

Glad I could end on those potentially racist notes. If you think the Kwaanza section is more racist than the Chanukah section though, you’re a tard.

Jekyll Vs. Hyde #2: South Park's Coon And Friends Trilogy

Wednesday's new episode marked the end of, I believe, South Park's second three-part story. The first being the Imaginationland Trilogy. The Cartman's Dad plot was only a two-parter right?

Either way, while the Coon and Friends Trilogy certainly isn't being talked about as much as Inception was, I still feel inclined to debate with myself on it and let you guys be voyeurs to my inner arguments.

Jekyll: South Park's Coon and Friends Trilogy is the perfect example of why South Park is quite possibly the best and most complete show running on television today.

This trilogy incorporated so many facets of single episodes of South Park into one three-part narrative. The first episode really highlighted Parker and Stone's ability to lampoon current events (The BP oil spill). South Park's satirizing of current events is what sets the show apart from other animated comedies and other shows in general. South Park practically wrote the book on how to parody current events. I mean, seriously, having BP drill on the moon to alter the tides and fix the oil spill in the ocean...perfect. It's South Park taking the event to the utmost extreme, yet in a way, it almost seems completely believable that if BP had the technology, drilling on the moon wouldn't be totally implausible. South Park is great at mocking just how ridiculous things are by tweaking them just a bit.

While using a major current event as the backbone of a plot is typically the pattern South Park uses, Stone and Parker always fill their episodes with numerous smaller pop culture references, both past and present. Without focusing hardly any of the three episodes on Lebron James they completely made him look like an idiot, or a genius for being able to the Lebron James tactic get out of anything. That's the beauty of South Park. There's always two sides.

Of course, there were many other references throughout the trilogy. Double rainbow. Justin Bieber being killed in what I could only call a vintage South Park moment. Come on, South Park is like the Roman Colosseum in the way it kills celebrities. The audience asks for more blood and deaths of famous people that they hate, and South Park always delivers. Obviously Cthulu and other H.P. Lovecraft references were used throughout the trilogy.

But while South Park always does pop culture parody well, the Coon and Friends Trilogy was really great because of characters and their development. Captain Hindsight was a great character that subtly made fun of people who thought they were these great heroes for calling out BP's oil spill, among other issues and problems today, after the fact.

And come on, how fun was it to see all the South Park kids as superheroes. Stan as Toolshed. Clyde as Mosquito. Kyle as The Human Kite. Or did I hear Human Kike a few times? Seriously, Human Kite was hella witty. I need to rewatch the episodes, but I think it was only Cartman who called him Human Kike.

What I was most impressed with was Kenny as Mysterion. You would think Kenny's gimmick really had nowhere else to go. He was a character that always used to die in every episode, but still show back up next week. Recently though, they've done away with the "OMG, you killed Kenny gimmick," instead, having Kenny be just another one of the boys, which, in a way, kind of makes him the most boring of the four characters.

But with this trilogy, Parker and Stone brilliantly made Kenny's death and rebirth his superpower. A gift and a curse. I think it was really one of the more intriguing and original things South Park has done with one of their main characters for awhile.

Cartman was, of course, Cartman. The evil, manipulative asshole, who believed everybody else was the manipulative evil asshole. And bringing in Cartman's recurring hatred for hippies, San Francisco, Jews, and other liberal type things was nice touch.

I even liked what they did with Mint Berry Crunch. Don't act like you saw that ending coming. Having Mint Berry Crunch really have powers was a pretty decent, although ridiculous twist, with that guy coming down in that beam of light to tell Mysterion and Mint Berry Crunch their origins.

Plus, I need to mention the style the trilogy was done in. It did a good job of replicating the gritty and realistic comic book/superhero word a la Neil Gaiman, Frank Miller, or Alan Moore.

It was just well done overall. Don't forget that you were so disappointed when the second episode ended without finishing the story because you thought it was only going to be a two-parter. When a story makes you anxious because you can't wait until next week to see how it ends, it did a pretty good job.

Hyde: Yeah, the story was good and made me want to see how it ended. Kenny's character was really good. But that's about all I can say for the Coon and Friends Trilogy. The trilogy did the typical South Park things, but then didn't follow up on half of them or undid most of them.

For example, the last episode closed up most of the storylines. But there was no conclusion to the BP oil company, which I'm okay with, but I'm not okay with Captain Hindsight not being in the last episode at all. Clearly a major oversight.

Like you said, Captain Oversight was that perfect character that South Park creates, that insults half the people watching their show without them knowing. And they really underused him. While you and I both picked up on how the character made fun of people who complained about oil drilling only after the spill, Parker and Stone didn't do enough to nail this point home. I really think South Park went soft with this character and didn't nail people for being hypocrites like usual.

I thought the last episode was really underwhelming though. I liked the twist with Mint Berry Crunch, but Stone and Parker wasted several minutes recapping what had happened in the story (so far) with those comic book panel montages. Which they did several times too. At least three. They could have used those minutes to not just summarize the ending. Seriously, seeing Mint Berry Crunch save the world and beat Cthulu was summed up in still frames. Kinda lame. Kinda a cop out.

South Park has never been a show to dumb itself down for an audience, because it has always been able to work on two levels. There are some times, when you won't get the satire or the references South Park is using, but the show has always been absurd and bluntly funny enough, that at least on the surface it is still enjoyable, while almost every episode still has a deeper, ironic comedy to it.

South Park is one of those shows where if you don't get the joke, they're not going to sit there and explain it to you (like Carlos Mencia) because then it's not funny. I would argue Carlos Menica was never funny, but perhaps that's for a different debate.

Yet, several times throughout the trilogy, Parker and Stone sold out their jokes and just gave them away. A small instance that bugged me was in the third episode. When Kenny is talking to the goth kids and they're disappointed that Cthulu was supposed to bring all this change but didn't deliver. I thought, ah, maybe an Obama joke/reference, and would have been happy if the show had just left it there and made me wonder if that was a shot at Obama or not. But literally, a line or two later, the girl says, "Yeah, it's like Obama all over again." Where's the subtle humor South Park is so good at if you do that?

I thought the biggest transgression of South Park giving their jokes away was the Lebron James thing. The second episode was the first time they parodied the Lebron James, "What Should I Do?" commercial and they made no mention of Lebron James. If you had seen the commercial, you got it. If you hadn't, you just thought it was some weird South Park thing.

To be honest, I hadn't seen the Lebron James commercial, and only found out by reading on article about how South Park had "made fun of Lebron" on a website after the fact. I appreciated the joke more and didn't feel like, "Oh, they should have said something about Lebron so I knew who they were making fun of."

But in the third episode, after they've already done the "What should I do?" bit once, before Cartman does it again, he describes it as "The Lebron James" tactic. I know, these probably seem like really small and petty complaints. But I've always liked South Park in the way that many of their parodies and satires are subtle. It makes you feel more like you're "in on the joke" and not just being told a joke.

What really struck me as odd about Parker and Stone calling it "The Lebron James tactic," was that they found it more necessary to reference Lebron James over H.P. Lovecraft. Honestly, I'm guessing waaaaay more people got the Lebron James joke without having to be told it was about Lebron James than knew Cthulu, the Cult, and The Necronomicon were all fictional creations by horror/sci-fi writer H.P. Lovecraft. Maybe that was the joke you should have clued more people in on.

I'll give you the Human Kite. Really funny.

And one final thing, Cartman's song towards the end of the second episode? That really served no purpose. I really feel if they took out that song and the numerous recaps of what had happened in the episodes before, they could have had more time to spend in the final episode. More Kenny. More Cartman. More Captain Hindsight. Damn it, why didn't you utilize Captain Hindsight to his full potential?

Maybe these are all really small things and I'm trying to nitpick because South Park is almost always so good that to find anything bad, one has to really look deep. But then again, South Park is a show that succeeds because of the small things it does.

Hyde: Yeah. There were a few missed opportunities. And it was a bit un-South Park like to undermine their own subtle jokes.

Jekyll: So it was pretty good, but Parker and Stone should probably just stick to single episodes?

Hyde: Well, I'm not saying that. But yeah, if they're thinking about doing another three-parter again in the near future, I'm hoping they do a little bit better of a job.